Marriage and divorce is serious business. Falling in love is an understanding of implicit trust, respect and faith. Some marry and commit to a lifelong partnership, to stay together, forever, “in sickness and in health”. As time goes on, our spiritual beliefs, our ideologies and our relationships naturally come under re-assessment. When this happens, it creates personal change. Seemingly, out of nowhere, a force invades our routines, our simplicities, our status quos and creates complexities. Change is the result, wanted or unwanted, of unexpected occurances, of emotional, intellectual and spiritual growth. Divorce, wanted or unwanted, happens. The separation of love and money, after deep intimacy, is extremely difficult to do without friction.
When you first realize you want a divorce, research the subject. You will learn whether you need to hire a mediator or not. If both parties want the divorce, and both parties are interested in somewhat of an equal equitable distribution, then a mediator would be an excellent choice as a first step in the divorce proceeding. A mediator is not a lawyer (though one might have a law degree). They attempt to help a feuding (or not) couple navigate through the terms of divorce and work out a civil and fair monetary distribution satisfactory to both parties.
To get through a divorce with the most minimal injury, you need to hire a lawyer. Though most couples marry in a church or synagogue, they still have to apply for a license to marry. This is a legal document bound to the marriage laws of the U.S. Constitution and the respective laws of individual states. In New York State, if a couple has been married for more than 7 years, chances are their joint property (including savings, retirement accounts, etc.) will be considered equal when it comes to distribution, regardless of who contributed more money. It is law that governs marriage and law that dissolves it. The law is complicated and could seem unfair. You have to have a legally acceptable reason for a divorce and the law clearly determines only the following reasons as such: irreconcilable differences (a no fault divorce), abandonment (your spouse just left you), adultery (caught cheating), abuse (cruelty – emotional or physical) and/or the inability to engage in sexual intercourse, all being faults that must be proven by the person seeking the divorce action. Complicated – yes! It could also be embarrassing. What was intimate and secret between two lovers, is now exposed.
You are hiring a lawyer for legal advice and to help you navigate through the legal procedure so you can maintain the most of your vested interests. The cost of going to trial instead of negotiating a settlement is exceptionally high. Do everything in your power to try and settle out of court. A good lawyer can help you do that successfully. That is key in saving both you and your soon to be “ex” alot of money. A lawyer will do what you want them to do so be specific in what your intentions are and be strategic and communicate clearly. Ask your lawyer a million questions. Make sure to ask them to explain anything that you may not understand.
The more money spent on legal fees, the less there is for you and your spouse. There are always two sides to every story and a court will offer both parties equal right to tell their side. Telling a judge that your husband never took the garbage out will sound trivial in a courtroom, though in your home, it was serious business. Think hard before deciding to go to trial.You don’t know what will happen when you have to present your case to a judge. You expect that the judicial process will be judicial, but judges are human and make mistakes too. Their mistakes, if made, will cost you more money…so try your best to be reasonable and to SETTLE!
Don’t be vindictive, even if you are exceptionally hurt or angry. Anger will get you nowhere. Remember, at one time, you two shared something special. Focus on the outcome – once the divorce is over, it is over! Walk the high road. Maintain emotional maturity. It is your divorce, no one else’s. Try your best to limit complication. Work out your feelings, as well as educating yourself. You might want to see a therapist for a while too, just for peace of heart. Remember, you’ve changed. in accordance with the universal law. Then, move on!